R-E-S-P-E-C-T

I was involved in a discussion on a web forum about whether physical discipline is OK or not.  I just wanted to share my response with a few more people:

There is NO substitute for active parenting. Hitting a child is an archaic lesson that is, unfortunately, still being taught today. When a child is actively parented the mutual respect earned by parent and child trumps any outside influences. If the relationship is healthy and nurturing, children seek nothing more than their parents' approval. Far too many parents spend far too much time limiting their children rather than teaching and encouraging them to explore and learn through trial and error.

I hit my son once in my lifetime and I regret that day dearly. Luckily for me, my son forgave me for it. Out of pure shock, I slapped him one day for punching his friend in the stomach. He hit the little boy so hard that he just crumbled and cried from having the wind knocked out of him. That action startled me so much as I'd never seen him be so aggressive and in a moment of clouded judgment I slapped him. This is a prime example of how hypocritical the lesson I thought I was teaching at that moment is. You hit someone; I'll hit you because hitting is wrong.

The lessons that should be taught are you don't do certain things because you want to be an outstanding human being. We indoctrinate our own children into the culture of fear long before the "world" can get to them. "If you don't get good grades, I'll beat you." How about, "If you don't get good grades, you can't live your dreams. Everything you want to achieve starts with school. School is your job. If you work, you earn. Just like I work to earn money, you work to earn better opportunities." Instead we preach fear and failure and disappointment until our children are so jaded that they are more terrified of success and accustomed to fear, failure and disappointment. Then they wear them as badges of honor. "I struggled to be mediocre!" Then, of course, the cycle repeats when they teach their children the same way.

I was a child that was hit. No, I did not turn out OK. I struggled with anger for a large part of my life and I'm still working on it. To this very day, I do not speak to my biological mother much because of that history. I'm so glad that I've been able to build a trusting relationship with my son based on RESPECT and not the darkness that I was raised on. It's a true blessing to watch him grow and excel. The only hands I lay on him are to lift him up!
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